A Love That Risks

Is A Love That Lasts

This week marked my parents’ 31st wedding anniversary, and I couldn’t help but reflect on what their love story has taught me.

While it isn’t my story to fully share, both of my parents were previously married and divorced before they met each other. When they first met—at a dentistry convention in Red Deer, Alberta, no less—they each already had young daughters and their own stories of heartbreak. They lived in different provinces and had a lot to lose. My dad was already an established dentist in Alberta with two young daughters, while my mom was a seasoned dental assistant in Saskatchewan with a young daughter.

They didn’t jump into a relationship frivolously. They started slow, getting to know each other through long phone calls after long days of work and parenting. Eventually, my mom moved to Alberta, where they began blending their families and making sure this new family unit would work for everyone.

Their love story came at a cost, and they made many sacrifices. As all love stories do.

While rom-coms show true love as effortless and obvious, everyone who has loved before knows it’s not so simple or evident. Love demands risk. It means taking a chance and vulnerably allowing yourself to be closely seen by someone else without any guarantee they'll stay or love you back.

Honestly, I’m not sure I would’ve been as brave as my parents. If I had my heart broken in a way they experienced, I don’t know if I would’ve given love and marriage another chance like they did. It might have been easier to reject any kind of commitment and choose a solitary life. There’s too much at stake: kids, career, mental and emotional health. But they did the opposite. They dove in with both feet—fully aware that history could repeat itself. But they made sure it didn’t.

That is brave, true love, in my opinion.

One that costs you something, but you do it anyway.

Thirty-one years later, they are still in love, traveling the world together, grandparenting their grandchildren with the utmost love, and sharing their generosity wherever they go. My parents showed my sisters and me that marriage requires work, commitment, and courage, but it’s always worth it.

I remember when I first met Kyle, I felt a strong mix of wanting to find my person and being unsure that I would. As quickly as I fell for him, I was cautious about rushing into marriage. Dating was one thing, but choosing someone to marry for the rest of your life felt like the most important decision you could make.

I found myself incredibly aware of any potential red flags. I did NOT want history to repeat itself. And as much as I fell in love with Kyle, I still needed to be sure that he was the right person to marry. Kyle, on the other hand, was sure he wanted to marry me as soon as we started dating. (Gosh, I love him.) But I began to realize that waiting for a flawless person is a waste of time, because love isn’t a perfect equation. And the perfect person doesn’t exist.

Life isn’t a movie. And the person you are going to commit the rest of your life to (should you choose) is going to change, evolve, and grow over time, just like you. And the person standing right in front of me was more committed to my life, happiness, and well-being than I could’ve ever hoped for. I couldn’t imagine my world without a Kyle to love and to be loved by. I wouldn’t want to be in a world without my Kyle in it.

I realized, like my parents, that my love story would require risk. Putting myself and my love out on the line, without any firm assurance that everything would work out.

In September, we will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary, and, honestly, the clichés are true. I am genuinely more in love with Kyle than I was the day I married him. And somehow, I think this rings true for my parents as well.

Their life hasn’t been perfect or effortless. Navigating a blended family hasn’t been easy. Even now, there are dynamics in our family that are complicated, difficult, and disappointing for everyone involved. But so much life, beauty, and love have grown out of their very relationship.

My life is a byproduct of my parents’ risk for love. I would not be alive today unless my parents decided to give love and marriage another chance. And I’m pretty grateful for that, to say the least.

So happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. Thank you for showing us all how worth the risk love really is. We are all experiencing real, genuine love thanks to the inspiration of yours. I can’t wait to be celebrating my 31st wedding anniversary with the man I love, one day, like you too.

Love,

Zoë Alexandra